Not since I was declared a fraud by the BBC, About.com, the Museum of Hoaxes, Wikipedia, NPR, The Churchill Centre, and others, have I been forced to endure such indignity. Facebook, the upstart would-be MySpace, has deemed me, ME – Charlie Churchill's Parrot, the brightest feather of the Right Wing, the only Conservative pundit who can fly – unworthy of membership, and disabled my account!

Why?

“Your account was disabled because you violated Facebook’s Terms of Use, to which you agreed when you first registered for an account on the site,” says the friendly Facebook form rejection FAQ. “Accounts can either be disabled for repeat offenses or for one particularly egregious violation”

Zounds! And, pray tell, what was my egregious violation?

“Unfortunately, for technical and security reasons, Facebook cannot provide you with a description or copy of the removed content,” replies Facebook. Most helpful. Facebook does, however, provide a list of egregious offenses from which to choose that may or may not actually be the reason for one’s having been jettisoned from amongst its worthy ranks.

Egregious Offense #1. “We do not allow users to send unsolicited or harassing messages to people they don’t know, and we remove posts that advertise a product, service, website, or opportunity.”

As I knew no one on Facebook, I directed my content to no member in particular. Furthermore, this content contained no harassments, solicitations, nor advertisements. It could be argued that I advertised enlightenment by encouraging members to visit my blog (www.churchillsparrot.com). However, as the Facebook registration process encourages members to list any blogs or websites they might have in their command, and provides a feature by which to stream one’s blog content through one’s Facebook site, it seems not a stretch to assume this is well within the bounds of acceptable behavior.

Egregious Offense #2. “We do not allow any obscene, pornographic, or sexually explicit photos, as well as any photos that depict graphic violence.”

Other than the occasional reference to MoveOn.org, my content did not, nor has it ever contained anything obscene, pornographic, sexually explicit, nor graphically violent.

Egregious Offense #3. “We also remove content, photo or written, that threatens, intimidates, harasses, or brings unwanted attention or embarrassment to an individual or group of people.”

Hmmm. We may have something here. A quick review of my most recent posts produces titles such as, “Study Finds Democratic Party May have Died Decades Ago”, “Useful Idiot Hall of Fame Announces Massive Expansion,” “Our Second Interview with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad” (not at all flattering to Mr. Ahmadinejad), “Celebrate Talk Like a Terrorist Day”, and more. It is certainly fair to say there is much “unwanted attention and embarrassment brought to individuals and groups of people” here. But such is political commentary. Does Facebook mean to say members are not to share political commentary via their online forum? Most curious, particularly as it was through a political site – www.BritainandAmerica.com – through which I became involved in this mess in the first place. (Although this site now no longer advertises its Facebook option either. Again, hmmmmm.)

Egregious Offense #4. “Facebook does not allow users to register with fake names, to impersonate any person or entity, or to falsely state or otherwise misrepresent themselves or their affiliations.”

Here we have, at once, the most likely and the most hilarious “reason” for my expulsion. As referenced earlier, this is not the first time the validity of my identity has been called into question. While I can well appreciate the seeming unlikelihood of there actually being a 107 year-old parrot claiming to have once been the pet and confidant of Sir Winston Churchill and issuing scathing indictments of Leftist tyranny via the Internet on a regular basis, that is, nonetheless, who and what I am.

Let us, for the sake of argument, however, suppose that I were not actually Charlie – Churchill’s Parrot. Imagine instead that I were, say, a frustrated Conservative writer from Wisconsin, USA, seeking outlet and audience for his or her thoughts, opinions, and writing. Would not the employment of the “Churchill’s Parrot” identity fall under the definition of “nickname” or “avatar,” devices used by 90% of those participating in online communication? Am I to believe that others encountered during my brief stint on Facebook are actually who or what they say they are? “Odo Barn Owl,” “Peace Love Bird,” “Ford Taurus,” “Linus McKitten,” “Tuna Bird,” the entire membership of a Facebook Group entitled, “Facebook Members Who are Not Human” to name a few … these are all somehow exempt from the “fake names,” “impersonations,” and “misrepresentations” standard?

Having brought this issue to Facebook’s attention they responded as follows,“If you see any individuals on the site who are currently in violation of our Terms of Use, it is only because they have not yet been disabled for misuse.”

Right then. We shall full well expect that, in keeping with its principles, Facebook is thus now in the process of purging well over half its membership for violating the high standard of identity integrity to which it aspires. As we say in the Queen’s Dominion, “Not bloody likely.” To attempt such would prove not only impossible – Facebook currently boasts nearly 34 million active users – it would be idiotic. Creativity (though admittedly much of it at a third grade level) is an amusing and positive outgrowth of such ventures.

What is far more bloody likely is that only certain kinds of members of questionable identity are being purged from the esteemed ranks of Facebook: those expressing overtly Conservative views and opinion. My suspicion is that some Lefty took offense to one of my posts and reported it to the Facebook security ninnies who – rather than defend my content as legitimate contribution to an open forum – saw fit to acquiesce to Lefty whining, disable my account, and throw these lame excuses at me by way of “explanation.”

Understand, what ruffles my feathers is not my exclusion from the Facebook community – I appeared to be the only one bothering to contribute any actual content anyway – but that here we may well have yet another forum wherein Conservative expression is being denied. Thus, I write this post, and thus I have solicited the assistance of the mighty Media Research Center to aid in my further investigation of this potential.

If I am proven wrong and revealed as merely an hysterical Right Wing paranoiac, so be it. I will, at such time, willingly and publicly eat crow - a far more repugnant act for parrots, mind you, than for you non-avians!

In the meantime, I would be very interested to know if there are any other Right-leaning individuals out there who have found themselves expelled from the Facebook roster. Drop us a line at churchillsparrot@gmail.com. Perhaps we shall discover that what we have here is not just another pretty Facebook.

Cheers,

Charlie
www.churchillsparrot.com

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Contact: churchillsparrot@gmail.com

 

October 10, 2007- London, England.  A ground-breaking study funded by the Churchill’s Parrot Foundation released findings today indicating that America’s Democratic Party actually died sometime between the assassination of JFK and the end of the Johnson Administration.

 “What we have now in the DNC is not a political party but a hideous, brainless, zombified caricature of what once was the Democratic Party of the United States,” declares the study’s director, Morton Clathwock, Ph.D., Dean of Political Science at Hipslawn College in Ipswich, Massachusetts.

The study cites, among other things, DNC leadership’s phony complaints about phony controversies over phony soldiers, constant references to unidentified flying economic woes, and, of course, the championing of causes which don’t exist such as man-made global warming.

“These guys make Don Quixote look like an actuary,” adds Clathwock. “At least his delusions had something to do with honor!”  

Charlie – Churchill’s Parrot, Executive Director of the Churchill’s Parrot Foundation, says he called for the study in response to increasing reports of monstrously reckless behavior on the part of leaders in the American Democratic Party.

“There is a school of thought which maintains that the Democrats have always existed antithetically to America; from the cowardly Copperheads at Lincoln’s heels to the Socialists behind FDR’s New Deal and Johnson’s Great Society debacle,” says Churchill’s Parrot.  “Through all this, however, the party and its advocates were at least to some degree deferential to the central hypothesis of the American experiment.  Our study makes clear these New Lefties just want to blow up the laboratory!”

The study postulates that in a representative government such as that of the United States, a political party needs to actually represent something of substance in order to actually exist.

Dr. Clathwock explains. “Republicans generally represent the principles of what today in America is known as ‘Conservatism’: limited government, national defense, free enterprise, individual liberty, and traditional American i.e. Judeo-Christian values. In truth these are the principles which gave rise to the creation of the United States itself and its Constitution.” Clathwock says that a party’s success or failure in advancing policy in accord with its stated principles provide a means by which you can measure its vitality. “The body’s vital signs if you will,” illustrates Clathwock. “The Republicans are good here, not so good there, and so on.  The Democrats?  We can’t even find the body!”     

In fact, what DNC positions could be identified by the study’s specially designed Issues Matrix™ pinpointed them Left of Maoist China and slightly Right of total anarchy. 

“Amnesty for illegal aliens and ‘out of Iraq now’ for the anarchists; universal health care, government bailouts for homeowner mortgages , and the Kyoto Protocol for the socialists.  There’s nothing for America in any of this,” says Clathwock. 

The study concludes that today’s DNC does not constitute a viable political party presenting any serious option for American voters. “What you have is a loose confederation of malcontents, nihilists, lunatics, and children,” explains Clathwock.  “Unfortunately, with the aid of a complicit media, you have nearly 50% of the American population taking this rot seriously. Forty years of demonizing the Right has paid off.  After all, who wants to be painted as a greedy racist, homophobe, prude as surely you will be the minute you vote Republican.”

Dr. Clathwock says by all indications the Democartic party actually died the night of February 27, 1968 when President Lyndon Johnson abdicated responsibility for American foreign policy to Walter Cronkite and CBS News.    

“That was really the end of it,” says Clathwock. “The party had gone from – ‘we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, to assure the survival and the success of liberty’ - to letting a twit like Cronkite paint victory as defeat.  After that, everything ‘Democratic Party’ has just been purification and decay.  I give you Dennis Kucinich.”   

Clathwock and the study’s authors warn, however, that a dead DNC is by no means a harmless DNC.  “This thing we have today that calls itself The Democratic Party is a dangerous creature.  A corpse enchanted by the funds of millionaire Marxists , inflated with feel-good rhetoric, this brain-eating zombie of a party will do whatever it has to to keep itself alive, regardless of the consequences.  Consider yourselves warned!”  

 

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Via his web log, www.churchillsparrot.com, Charlie, Sir Winston’s 107 year old pet parrot, endeavors to reinvigorate flagging Western Civilization through regular injections of the Churchillian spirit, so desperately lacking in the enfeebled, addle-brained “culture” left us in the wake of the 1960’s.        

 

10/2/07 –  Washington D.C.  Due to a virtually unprecedented influx of exceptional nominees, the Churchill’s Parrot Useful Idiot Hall of Fame has announced plans for a massive expansion of its facilities.
A number of exciting new exhibits are in the works, all bringing to life with vivid clarity and realism the jaw-dropping idiocy and bone-chilling treachery of certain of our comrades doing their best to bring about the collapse of Western Civilization.
Expansion activities will focus primarily in the Disgrace and Dishonor wing (the Left wing) of the facility.  Features will include:  

* The John Murtha Multimedia Circus

* The MoveOn.org House of Horrors

* The New York Times “Truth or Consequences” Game Room (discounts available for   MoveOn.org members)

* The John Kerry School of Military History

* “Variations on Objective Reality” - an art exhibit by Dan Rather

* and Étiquette pour l'Élite - a series of live seminars with Columbia University’s Lee Bollinger. (CAUTION: Guests may be subject to unexpected tongue-lashings at the whim of the host.)
Further construction to accommodate the plethora of additions to our standard roster of  idiots will proceed simultaneously.  Most recent inductees include Harry Reid, Katie Couric, Keith Olbermann, and of course, Rosie O’Donnell. 
We are also pleased to announce we have successfully commissioned world renowned sculptor Fah’rt, to erect towering statues of George Soros and Jimmy Carter to adorn our magnificently re-designed entry way.
And for the Kiddie Winkies … our new “Dennis Kucinich Nut Hut” will provide a cornucopia of wacky and zany games and activities for kids to explore the joys of Marxist/Leninist delusion while being free to behave like the five-year-olds they are. 
Originally constructed in 1945, The Churchill’s Parrot Useful Idiot Hall of Fame has endeavored to recognize and honor every useful idiot - from Neville Chamberlain to Nancy Pelosi - who has contributed to the defamation and demoralization of both America and England.  

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Via his web log, www.churchillsparrot.com, Charlie, Sir Winston’s 107 year old pet parrot, endeavors to reinvigorate the flagging will of Western Civilization through regular injections of the Churchillian spirit, so desperately lacking in the enfeebled, addle-brained “culture” left us in the wake of the 1960’s.